the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
