I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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