Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Randomize
