I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
