god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
My vagina just clenched in fear
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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