On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
