Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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