I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
