I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I have feelings that need drinking.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
