I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
