And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
