1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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