She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
