First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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