I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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