That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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