I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
