Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
