The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
