the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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