Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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