somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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