While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
All the doctor said was why
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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