During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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