One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
