Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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