There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
