You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
