What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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