imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
