Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
