carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
