he wants to bone in the snuggie
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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