after a month anything with tits is on the radar
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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