On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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