508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize