Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
