Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(281): View more from Texas

i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks

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(615): View more from Tennessee

I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.

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(305): View more from Florida

nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night

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(424): View more from California

he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety

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(773): View more from Illinois

Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well

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(847): View more from Illinois

When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.

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(678): View more from Georgia

HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.

(1-678): View more from Georgia

Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle

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(904): View more from Florida

I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?

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(904): View more from Florida

That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.

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