Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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