I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
