I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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