I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
