oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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