ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
