It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
