Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
