Moan for me like Helen Keller
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
my being single is dangerous.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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