literally had 100 drinks last night.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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