i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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