there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
