so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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