I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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