There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
