there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
