He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
