Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
