Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
