Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
