Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
