She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Found your dick twin last night
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
