he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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