no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
