you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
