I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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