Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
