He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
