So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
