It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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