This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
